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Being Cool might be the most important thing in one's teenage life. It's just like a status which gives us the credibility and potential to walk up to any girl and ask out on a date or just pomp our dominance in front of our friends and grow up being the leader of a group. You, me and hell all of us have once tried to act cool to impress our friends and then take a quick glance to see if some girl is impressed by our act. Now this observation, is spontaneous and if there is a girl nearby and she smiles, (maybe on some other joke but not your's) you still get a moral confidence of keep on doing what you are doing.
I remember from my school days that wearing branded clothes and having an awesome, jaw-dropping and somewhat unique hairstyle was considered a magnet to attract girls. And god bless those TV commercials that convinced the boys of my age-group that if you put on yourself a shit-load of deodorant, girls would drop from heaven for you. Wonderful!
I remember once getting a extreme short haircut by trimming off my sides and back completely and keeping the middle hair about 6cm long. It took me whole 3 months to grow but it was very popular, at-lest on YouTube as it got over 500k views. The next day when i went to school, i became a laughing stock. Suddenly I became the most popular student, but in a rather disgusting way. Students from class 6-12 would come and take a selfie with me. I even had a hashtag of my own.
#Thebaldobesebeauty.
I never wanted to be popular that way, but it is an example that acting too cool might land you in some serious trouble. In hindi, we call it 'beizzati' and in Mumbai tapori language, we call it 'watt lagna'.
So why all this stuff? Well actually I recently faced an enormous emotional turmoil few days ago when I saw a kid in my neighborhood die horridly. Such a death may occur to no-one. He died to lung cancer. Why?
Because he was smoking the hell out since he turned 17. Too bad he didn't even complete his 21st birthday.
He was a good writer. Grade A category student who fell in to the wrong peer circle. Wanted to write a novel but couldn't write nothing more than a diary entry during his last few days before his abode.
Surprising thing is that he handed me this diary a week before he took his last breath and only a couple of days ago while scrambling through my enormous pile of junk on my study table I came across this single entry in a whole new leather wrapped brown corporate diary. Probably a gift from his father's office who is employed at a local gas booking agency.
In the front blank page it was written with bold pen:
" Please do me a favor and share my story to some-one in need"
So let me share with you this excerpt. Just before starting one heart-touching fact that the cover of the dairy has a very beautiful picture quoting:
Life is to be measured in the deeds we do in this life. You are never reincarnated, it's just a story told to hide your true potential just like a blemish hides your beauty beneath. Living a simple life and dying a peaceful death is only in the fate of the most lucky ones.
November 2 11:45 pm
I have been trying to sleep for the last couple of hours but as soon as i close my eyes, I see my end near. This is not any-one's fault but mine. I can see dark clouds circling around me tightening its grip around me and grasping me to sweep me away with its wrath of thunder and rain. I can bet that my parents are still awake looking at the night sky to wish for my life on seeing any falling star. Even though i don't turn back, my mother keeps coming back every half and hour to see a glimpse of me. Maybe she just wants to cherish my presence in the house while she still can. Even my father, an atheist have turned to gods for my life. Once as strong as a mountain and heart of a lion, even i can see tears roll down his cheeks while staring through the window into the open sky sitting in his armchair.
To define my condition, I am suffering from lung congestion due to inflammation of my lung alveoli and severe bronchial damage.
It all started when i joined my spoken English classes back in summers of 2010. I got a A plus grade in my high school exam and I opted for literature rather than science stream like everyone else in my class. It was surely a decision I made on my own but my father convinced me to focus on my goals and take my own decisions if I was fully confident. During my first year I made a few friends for which i regret till date. May god never give anyone such friends. But there is nothing to repent now. The damage has already been done. The gong has already been rung.
We became very intimate as we shared a common mentality. Their names were Rajesh and Samson. Samson was a NRI who came to study in India. Both were from well off families and respectable one's too. Rajesh is behind the bars as of now, and Samson is suffering from AIDS. Namita, a member of our group is currently in a Drug Addiction Cure center. We doomed ourselves with our own hands.
Once when on a trip to Shimla, our car broke down in the middle of the night and we had no option but park our cars beside the road and set up camp there. Namita was a strong boyish girl back then. Confident, inspiring and with leadership qualities. She was the leader of our group. It was a cold night and we were literally freezing. We had put on all our clothes but the cold was way beyond our wildest dreams. It was then Samson lit on a cigarette and offered it to me. I had never smoked before but that day I took a puff of it as my bones were shaking because of the cold. I never knew that it was the beginning of the end. Rajesh was an alcoholic and smoker. Namita had a bad habit of taking drugs. She took steroid tablets to boost her physique. She even used to do weed and marijuana to get high. She was a party girl. Her life aim was to party all day and night and live her life according to her 'The Boy's Life'. I can bet that's not how an average boy lives.
After coming back from that trip, things began to fall. I remember that I used to stop at every cigarette corner and smoke atleast 4 cigarettes a day. The once bright face of me started to change. I developed dark spots beneath my eyes. My teeth became dis-oriented.
Once my father when coming back from work saw me, smoking at the corner avenue with my friends. Namita was smoking weed and one of her companions was taking drugs intravenously. She was very depressed as she has no money left with her to buy drugs. She had a bad fight with her parents. Samson's parent's had also scolded him over skype yesterday night because of his dropping grades. In rage and anger he smashed his laptop on the glass-table and cut his hand badly. I was busy taking a sniff from a piece of hashish when my father came out of no-where and slapped me hard. I never saw it coming. He gripped my hand and dragged me back to the back seat of the car and pushed me in. He was very mad at me. Even my mother who had never raised her hands upon me joined my father to slap me up.
I was so frustrated and the insult in my front of my friends had hurt my ego so much that I ran out of the house and rammed the door behind. I went up to Samson. He was still smoking with Rajat. Namita had left.
I was fussing about in anger when he told me he had an idea to calm down my mind. He told me to hop on his Harley Davidson bike and raced off towards north. I asked him where we were going but he kept saying all the way that we were headed towards paradise. He was racing the bike at such speeds that if I was in my normal conscience like before would have freaked out. But the hashish had taken it's toll and it made me euphoric and I couldn't feel nothing.
He took me to the red light area. He was a sexist and used to indulge in sexual act with prostitutes without protection. It was his daily habit. Even though they tried to seduce me but I had this much control me that I ran out of that place. It pissed Samson though.
It was the new year party of 2013 and we were waiting for Rajat at the Club, when news came that Rajat was arrested for harassing a couple and beating up the husband and even injuring the pregnant wife. I was thankful to god that the baby was OK or I couldn't live with it.
A few days later Namita was busted too buying drugs from a dealer. Her parents were begging the police officer to leave her but she had committed a crime and she was to be punished. She was addicted to such a level that she didn't even realize that she was in Jail. She begged the police officer to give her a single doze of liquid heroine. She even begged and cried for a bottle of paint thinner. That look on her face I can never forget. She was later sent to a Drug Addiction Cure Center.
Back in March, Samson was busted in a raid by the police. Even though his parents managed to bail him he was already dead. He was found HIV positive while being diagnosed for severe body pain and fatigue.
Hell had befall us and I somewhere in my heart knew that my end was also near. Late of September I was admitted to the hospital one night due to severe chest pain and blood through my mouth when I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The doctor told me that I had only a few days left and there was nothing I could do.
I used to wake up early mornings thinking that it was all a bad dream but what you do in this life affects you and your loved ones. I used to lock the door and cry and cry. Bang my head on the door, trying to confess for my sins but the arrow had already left the bow. Nothing was to be done.
On November 1st I was admitted to the ICU and undergone a lung surgery but the doctors weren't sure about what was to come. Maybe I will live another year or I will die tomorrow there is nothing I can say. Maybe i won't be able to see the sunlight and this hospital ward is the last of the world I see. I just want to die happily with my parents beside me. That's all I wish.
All this I had done for what. To impress girls, try acting like a cool dude.
Take a dying man's word if you may
He died on November 10th. Five days before his 21st birthday.
To define my condition, I am suffering from lung congestion due to inflammation of my lung alveoli and severe bronchial damage.
It all started when i joined my spoken English classes back in summers of 2010. I got a A plus grade in my high school exam and I opted for literature rather than science stream like everyone else in my class. It was surely a decision I made on my own but my father convinced me to focus on my goals and take my own decisions if I was fully confident. During my first year I made a few friends for which i regret till date. May god never give anyone such friends. But there is nothing to repent now. The damage has already been done. The gong has already been rung.
We became very intimate as we shared a common mentality. Their names were Rajesh and Samson. Samson was a NRI who came to study in India. Both were from well off families and respectable one's too. Rajesh is behind the bars as of now, and Samson is suffering from AIDS. Namita, a member of our group is currently in a Drug Addiction Cure center. We doomed ourselves with our own hands.
Once when on a trip to Shimla, our car broke down in the middle of the night and we had no option but park our cars beside the road and set up camp there. Namita was a strong boyish girl back then. Confident, inspiring and with leadership qualities. She was the leader of our group. It was a cold night and we were literally freezing. We had put on all our clothes but the cold was way beyond our wildest dreams. It was then Samson lit on a cigarette and offered it to me. I had never smoked before but that day I took a puff of it as my bones were shaking because of the cold. I never knew that it was the beginning of the end. Rajesh was an alcoholic and smoker. Namita had a bad habit of taking drugs. She took steroid tablets to boost her physique. She even used to do weed and marijuana to get high. She was a party girl. Her life aim was to party all day and night and live her life according to her 'The Boy's Life'. I can bet that's not how an average boy lives.
After coming back from that trip, things began to fall. I remember that I used to stop at every cigarette corner and smoke atleast 4 cigarettes a day. The once bright face of me started to change. I developed dark spots beneath my eyes. My teeth became dis-oriented.
Once my father when coming back from work saw me, smoking at the corner avenue with my friends. Namita was smoking weed and one of her companions was taking drugs intravenously. She was very depressed as she has no money left with her to buy drugs. She had a bad fight with her parents. Samson's parent's had also scolded him over skype yesterday night because of his dropping grades. In rage and anger he smashed his laptop on the glass-table and cut his hand badly. I was busy taking a sniff from a piece of hashish when my father came out of no-where and slapped me hard. I never saw it coming. He gripped my hand and dragged me back to the back seat of the car and pushed me in. He was very mad at me. Even my mother who had never raised her hands upon me joined my father to slap me up.
I was so frustrated and the insult in my front of my friends had hurt my ego so much that I ran out of the house and rammed the door behind. I went up to Samson. He was still smoking with Rajat. Namita had left.
I was fussing about in anger when he told me he had an idea to calm down my mind. He told me to hop on his Harley Davidson bike and raced off towards north. I asked him where we were going but he kept saying all the way that we were headed towards paradise. He was racing the bike at such speeds that if I was in my normal conscience like before would have freaked out. But the hashish had taken it's toll and it made me euphoric and I couldn't feel nothing.
He took me to the red light area. He was a sexist and used to indulge in sexual act with prostitutes without protection. It was his daily habit. Even though they tried to seduce me but I had this much control me that I ran out of that place. It pissed Samson though.
It was the new year party of 2013 and we were waiting for Rajat at the Club, when news came that Rajat was arrested for harassing a couple and beating up the husband and even injuring the pregnant wife. I was thankful to god that the baby was OK or I couldn't live with it.
A few days later Namita was busted too buying drugs from a dealer. Her parents were begging the police officer to leave her but she had committed a crime and she was to be punished. She was addicted to such a level that she didn't even realize that she was in Jail. She begged the police officer to give her a single doze of liquid heroine. She even begged and cried for a bottle of paint thinner. That look on her face I can never forget. She was later sent to a Drug Addiction Cure Center.
Back in March, Samson was busted in a raid by the police. Even though his parents managed to bail him he was already dead. He was found HIV positive while being diagnosed for severe body pain and fatigue.
Hell had befall us and I somewhere in my heart knew that my end was also near. Late of September I was admitted to the hospital one night due to severe chest pain and blood through my mouth when I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The doctor told me that I had only a few days left and there was nothing I could do.
I used to wake up early mornings thinking that it was all a bad dream but what you do in this life affects you and your loved ones. I used to lock the door and cry and cry. Bang my head on the door, trying to confess for my sins but the arrow had already left the bow. Nothing was to be done.
On November 1st I was admitted to the ICU and undergone a lung surgery but the doctors weren't sure about what was to come. Maybe I will live another year or I will die tomorrow there is nothing I can say. Maybe i won't be able to see the sunlight and this hospital ward is the last of the world I see. I just want to die happily with my parents beside me. That's all I wish.
All this I had done for what. To impress girls, try acting like a cool dude.
Take a dying man's word if you may
PLEASE DO-NOT SMOKE.
He died on November 10th. Five days before his 21st birthday.
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