Doesn't Matter Any More

I stood beside you when you were left on your own
I was the shoulder you cried on to lighten the weight on your soul,
I was the one who walked you through the closed doors
But its sad to know that you don't need me anymore.

I never criticised nor doubted your thoughts and feelings
But i ignited the spark in you which was shadowed by dark beings,
Yes beings they are who were hurdles to your dreams
Its sad to see that once whom i meant to you is now unseen.

Ignorance is the silent dagger that slits your soul apart
Murdering your patience and ripping your happiness part by part,
It was better if you said it once and for all
You don't matter to me now as you were a doctor who answered my call.

I will still never curse you and will always bless you so you move on
As life is a series of steps in which one day you might slip and fall,
But when you get up your vision is more profound and clear
It is because of you i love my self even more oh my darling oh my dear.

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The New Girl In Class - Ep. 11 - The creaky hostel bed

https://flic.kr/p/6hS7FB

Love is like ecstasy! Well i heard this line when i was in class 10 and now after almost 3 and a half years later, i can understand that verse quite well. Its really funny and an awesome inner feeling that you get when you are about the experience the things which you fantasize of.

I used to think that girls are very emotional and they take their relationships very seriously and wanted it to be perfect like the Disney princess stories. Growing up, i used to fantasize of having a beautiful girlfriend with whom i would spend my entire life and then we would get married and have children and all that. In those days when we didn't knew what was this word 'sex', kiss was a very big achievement. Damn! i remember that i used to think that after marriage god gifts you children! So in-no-cent right....

February 5

My state PMT was not very far and so i was very serious about cracking it. During my studies i would think that if i get admission in my state then i would be separated from Jasleen and then she would forget me and all the creepy saddened stuff. Yeah! so occasionally i would slap my self out of my childish dreams to bring me back to reality. I remember once holding her by her waist and dragging her close to met outside the Institute to ask her about long-distance relationship.

I thought that she would make a scene out of it but she was pretty cool about it. She said " If you are serious about our relationship then prepare hard for your exams even if it means spending little time with me. Just remember that if your base if strong then even my parents would accept you"

See girls are more intelligent, practical, understanding and logical than boys. 

So after kissing her in the park about a month ago, i became addicted of kissing her. Really i just want to taste those soft baby lips everyday in my 3 course meals. 

It was physics class and i was already 20 minutes late. I entered the class and went towards my seat jumping over the bags kept beside the seats in the narrow passage. Jasleen's friend was absent today and she was seating alone and i smiled to a return smile of her. Oh! her beautiful all natural no fake smile wanted me to hug her there only but i feared of the later consequences and because my father bought a woodland all tough shoe recently, i firmly controlled my emotions.

Lovepreet shifted towards his left so as to give me some space to sit but to rather everybody's surprise i put my bag on Jasleen's seat and asked her to shift aside. The back-bencher girls were smiling and murmuring and i could clearly hear..'oh..ho..oh..ho..kya..baat...her...bhabi..waah..kya..jodi..hein" 

We were both smiling looking at sir to mask out the thumb-fight that we were playing under the desk. During the match i took her hand and grasped it tightly and rubbed it to give a indication of my rising testosterone levels.

'Control...baby....control'

The period ended and the next was of Zoology and mam was late as usual so after checking in the attendance machine i went to the back seat and took out my phone and began reading whats-app jokes. I put up the zoology book on the table in a vertical position so as to hide behind it.

She came and sat beside me to take a peek into my phone as she was always thought that i used to watch adult videos in her absence and that surely pissed her off.

'Hey what are you doing?'

'Nothing!'

'You are doing nothing but still laughing. Are you crazy?'

'Yes i am crazy for you baby'

'Oh please! you and your cheesy lines. Try it on some-one else.'

'Hmmm... so you want me to try it on some-one else'

'Try it... i'll break your fucking nose'

She was angry and was about to leave when i grabbed her by her upper arm and pulled her towards me. She banged onto my chest and her hair was all over me. It was a good thing that it was not the vice-versa because i do-not bath because of the extreme cold and so my hair was a hotel full of dandruff. 

The back bench girls were shocked and my friends were too. I knew that all eyes were on me so i pretended to drop a pen and went beneath the bench and i pulled her beneath to kiss her. She was like wtf!

'what the hell are you doing?'
'kissing you..'
'Mr. Sourav if you are in your senses i remind you that we are in class and we could get punished'
'i think i can tide over an hour of detention for your juicy lips'
'i am just a pair of juicy lips for you and nothing else?
'shut up and come here'

I pulled and close and kissed her forcibly.

She was all mad at me. After the classes were over she wouldn't even talk to me and went out of the class raging like a bull. Oops! sorry i should have said cow...My bad.

I went behind her running around like a clown to slow her down and make her smile but she kept walking without even turning back to at least slap me or kick me in the balls.

'You have crossed your limits mister'
'have i? so what is it this time'
'you want to kiss me right. All the time?'
'well.....probably yeah..Yes I do'
'Okay! kiss me in front of everybody then!'
'What! are you serious'
'Do i look in the mood of joking'
'Oh god! Okay i'll show you how much i am mad for you'

I don't know what happened to me that day but i slipped down my bag and grabbed her face and dragged towards me to kiss and not softly but i went deep into it. At first she was shocked and was resisting it but then she let it all go and went with the flow.

I could feel my adrenaline levels rising as i became more and more passionate. My ears were red and were burning, the dandruff in my hair suddenly became more itchy and i just couldn't stop my self neither i could control it.

I grabbed her as tightly as i could. She put her hands inside my sweater to feel my warmth and i tightened my grip around her waist. I lifted her up with all my power.

Damn she was heavy!

But suddenly i felt like i was the Great Khali and i could pick up anything and anybody.

All the people around were looking at with crossed eyes. Some were cursing us and some of them hooted and whistled and passed comments.

See that's the problem in our country... you can't even express your feelings in public. Though i earlier felt embarrassed when i saw couples kissing in parks and then Police chasing them away but now i can understand the ecstasy and desire that they would feel.

'So you want to do it right now'
'Hell yeah! you're feeling it now aren't you'
'Can't girls have the feeling!'
'Come lets go'

Since it was February so only the droppers were in the P.G and all other students were back home preparing for school exams. Also due to the bad weather our P.G landlord was inside his room with all his windows and doors shut in front of the heater watching TV. So it was easy to take her inside my room.

'Eww! your room is so messy'
'What so you want me to book a penthouse now?'
'Show me what you got'
'Oh yeah'
'Let me take you on a trip of heaven baby'
'Come take me my guide'

As we jumped on the bed, it gave such a horrific sound that i thought the room was haunted or something. I jumped out and switched on the lights and jumped back in the bed.

We were so full of energy and excited as we were finally gonna do the act after almost 6 months of our ever-changing relationship.

'Hey woah! woah! woah!'
'What happened. Don't say you changed your mind'
'Hey you bought protection'
'What?'
'Condoms??'
'No. We don't need them'
'Hey you don't want to be a father right now, do you?'
'I guess no...'
'So not protection, no sex'
'Aww!'
'Stop whining like a baby'
Hey don't call me that... so which flavor do you want?'
'means?'
'i bought the whole festival pack babe'
'you're one hell of a jerk you know that'
Yeah! i know that'

We were totally lost and into the act that we forgot everything happening around. The hostel bed was creaking and making sound but it was a good sound proof material as it covered our moans. Haha!

I kissed her forehead and thanked her for all the pleasure she had give me in the last couple of hours.

'Oh my god! it was awesome'
'you liked it?'
'yes baby. Thank you so much'
'you're welcome'
'hey!'
'what'
'don't forget to dispose the condom'

We both burst out into laughter.

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The New Girl In Class Ep. 10 - A Walk In The Park

January 12,

It has been a long time since that 'almost kissed' incident. And i know that i haven't updated for quite about a month now. But believe me i was too busy. Now that January has already begun and our final lap for the PMT's are close around, there's no time to fuck around for sure.

A few days back when we were back from the new year weekend's we were welcomed with a test series of 12 tests without even a fu****g single holiday. Now that i am abusing too much doesn't mean that i am angry or something. It's simply that my mind has gone crazy. I mean who has a test on a new year's day? By the way Jasleen and i patched up once again after a nasty fight about me talking to another girl. I just don't get these 'girls' logic at all. I mean maths is much simpler than that even though it's been a long time since i left it cause it gave me the goosebumps whenever i opened the book. The numbers would just jump on me to molest me. I am damn too vulnerable.

First of all, she denied to talk to me, then we became friends, then we almost kissed and then she told me that we should be just friends only. I mean what the fish? Am i a pack of dettol-wipes with which you can wipe your face and also a baby's bum? See i resisted to abuse. Happy now.

Now i don't know what happened to me but during the freezing months of December and beginning of January i got my hands on this awesome heater which kept me warm. I remember that when i was in school we used to put our hands in our underpants to warm them. Jeez! I still think of doing that but that's just seems innocent when you're a child not when you're an adult and that too when you are in your 19's and about to loose your teenage-hood. Some word huh?

There have been some pretty horrible shit back during December when some boys of my hostel/P.G started to smoke weed and cigarettes. It spread like a forest fire and by the beginning on the new year everyone was with a bottle of beer and cigarette stacked in the back of their ears. Holy crap!

Thanks to Jasleen she kept me quite warm during that time so i didn't have to go around searching for something to warm me up. Hey don't force your imagination. She had a heat blower in her PG. My parents came a week back and brought with them a few sweaters. I sometimes doubt if my mom even knows what my age is or she wouldn't bring that red and blue cap and a girls's scarf from my childhood. The sweater is so tight that i think i am wearing one of those sauna belts to flatten my tummy and my mother made sure to make me wear that cap in class. Everyone was laughing but luckily Jasleen found it quite cute.

She was freaking furious after an hour as i was supposed to wear the cap she gifted to me rather than the one my mom brought. Guess i am a mamma's boy and she freaking hates it. I wonder what will happen when i will bring her to my home to meet with my mom. It's like the clash of the titans.

So leaving all that, i was surprised too when my marks sky-rocketed during the test series. I was studying harder than ever and even ignored her whatts-app messages. Ignoring in whatts-app doesn't mean that i didn't reply, but i replied a 'humm'.

In no time i was famous in the institute that i started to feel like a saint to whom everybody would come with their problems. You see boy's don't give a crap but hell a lot of girls came. While solving problems, some of them would make such seductive eye-contact with me that i sometimes felt that i was allured by them. Anyone with a working pair of eye-balls could see that i was blushing. She saw it too.

It was the eve of the last week of January, we were crossing the garden towards our PG when she suddenly broke into tears out in the middle of nowhere. It was around 1:30 pm and a freezing day so the garden was almost empty except for a few people and the lovers. Maybe they thought that it was better to stay inside and make out than staying out in the almost foggy and freezing weather. 

I was out of my mind. She hadn't responded to anything i said while walking and her face was also flushed out , so i thought that she was not feeling well and it was better to keep my mouth shut. But i was totally shocked when she started crying. I held her arm and pulled her aside beneath the tree isolating us from the central area of the garden and the pavement running around it's whole length.

'I think it's over'.....'You don't love me any-more'....'You boys are all like that'.

She was sobbing and banging my chest. Hell, it hurt pretty bad. Its winter and everything is a little sensitive you know. I took out my hankee to wipe her tears when i suddenly realized that it was the one in which i sneezed, wiped my hands on after coming out of toilet and it had not been washed for about a week. Yeah, so i kept it back.

'See you have become so freaking senseless'....'why me? what have i not done for you'...'I loved you so much'.

'I love you too baby'....'Please hush now, why are you crying?'....'Please tell me what's the matter?'

'You want too know what happened?'....'Oh you're such a pervert'...'I should have know'...'How could you?'

Really? I didn't know why she was crying so it was obvious for me to ask the reason. It was just a simple plain question asked properly with proper grammar so even a lay-man could understand what i was saying.

She kept crying and crying that i feared of a crowd gathering there. That's what we like to do. Always interfere in other's business. I tried to hug her but she put on a hard slap on my sweet soft moisturized round cheeks. I had not been slapped since nursery. I was beginning to enter the portal to my childhood memories when another blow brought me back to the present. Then suddenly her slapping and screaming intensity increased.

This time i was infuriated so much that smoke started to arise out of my head. No joke. It really happens during winter when you're sweating. I put my hand around her mouth and screamed ' Shut up!'

Silence.

She calmed down scared of my reaction and i had no idea what the hell i suddenly did. I held her held and told her to look into my eyes.

'Hey look i don't know what you saw or what you interpreted but i just want you to get this into your mind once and for all that i freaking love you. Okay'

Now that moment was really romantic.

I reached out for her lips to kiss her and this time she didn't revolt. Our lips embraced themselves like they were meant to be together. I kissed her slowly that i could feel her soft lips touching against mine. She also went in for it. I could taste the lip gloss she had put on and her breath so refreshing, i remebered the close-up toothpaste commercial with the song 'Paas aao...paas aao...paas aao na...whoaaa'. 

She took my hands from her face and placed it on her hips. Her bag fell from her shoulder as we went deep into eachother. I guess we were kissng for about 3 and a half minutes now. That kiss was so passionate that it could win a MTV Best Kiss awards. I began kissing her neck when she whispered in my ears 'you don't want to do it right here, do you?' 

We both burst out into laughter and i kissed her forehead and we hugged. We were both red hot and sweating that i decided to take off my jacket but when a cold freezing breeze of wind went past me shaking me to my bones, i decided to not be a hero and put it back on.

We held hands and set off towards home.

On my way back she said ' you have a very active libido'.

Guess i have to be docile and suppress the wild beast.

THANKS TO AMARI CHAN FOR THIS WONDERFUL SKETCH: http://fav.me/dhn9d7

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When-ever I walk with you, it is the most beautiful time of my day. I just keep looking at you without having any idea of what is going on around me. 

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I feel like I am all alone

I am feeling like i am all alone
This darkness is not like before
Someone come and wake me up
Before the darkness captures my heart

I am falling deep not to return
I patiently waited for my turn
But suddenly everything turned upside down
I am filled with thoughts, sure to drown.

I need the helping hand reaching out wide
Grasping me in it's arms and showing me light.
For the barrier has been crossed and i am exposed
Vulnerable as ever no power to repose.

Morbid air with rotting smell of vermin
It came suddenly without any warning
And took away flooding everything i had
I am doomed and this is making me very mad.

Picture via: Gratsiography.com

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I Promise to Never Regret

I promise I will never regret
Never look back and curse my fate.
For I have done what it needed to be,
It had to be like this, it's my destiny.

Missing the classes and hanging out with friends,
Now alone but it's still in my veins.
The laughter echoes like a mockingbird
But it had to be or it would never be done.

Sprouts of joy no anomaly,
Living life then setting it free.
Friends were the ones who passed by,
No regrets I had my life.

Found a girl who loved me dearly,
Held her close loved her passionately.
My mom and dad always had my back
Fulfilled my needs with whatever they had.

This moment now is all that we have,
Live it it's the end, you'll never get it back.
Have faith and praise God for he is great,
Move forward and promise to never regret.

Thanks @picjumbo for this amazing pic.

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The Jolly Faces

Dressed up in rags from top to bottom
with wide gaping holes and missing buttons.
Garbage to others which now houses their body
i see them everyday but know nobody.

When the bell rings to end my class
i see these kids screaming alas.
Filling the pavement in a few seconds
here comes the wave of the street legends.

Grabbing my pants and asking for a penny
i show them my empty pocket with no sign of any.
They don't run away but give a smile in return
like an actor having his mask being knitted.

A new face everyday with the old folk you see
happy with ragged clothes and food infected by fleas.
Their parents don't care whether they live or die
they put them to work and rest all day nearby.

One of them one day asked me in utter curiosity
'where is this place you all call university'.
Feeling bad for him i asked why did he even bother
he smiled and said ' I want a better life than this brother'.

Picture:
https://flic.kr/p/621uDA

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